What We Do Not Want From Taylor Swift's "New Romantics" Music Video

discoverytaylor.tumblr.com

It's 2016 and Taylor Swift isn't going anywhere in terms of the 1989 era. But at least she decided to pull a Tove and release the best single from the album, the game changing anthem that is "New Romantics."

 But let's not fuck around with this one,

"New Romantics" deserves to go number one and be remembered positively as one of the best songs of the year. With that said, we're going to need to establish a couple of things about the music video because Ms. Swift has not been able to really understand what makes a good music video lately.

1. It should not include tour footage.

This is the music video for Ellie Goulding's third Delirium single "Something In The Way You Move." Much like her friend Taylor's newest single, SITWYM is one of the standouts on Ellie's very good album from last year. So why on earth would she put a tour footage montage as the official video? 

Our best guess is no one was available to take care of the horse from the "On My Mind" music video. 

Regardless, this video is just lazy and we expect something with a little more production value from Swifto, even if it is your SEVENTH single in one album campaign.

2. It should not be artsy, meta, retrospective nonsense. Have a linear plot please.

"New Romantics" is a song for romantics. It's in the name. 

You know what isn't romantic? 

A series of flashbacks at various time points of Taylor's life that have brought her here today. It's the boring, obvious route considering the song's lyrical content. Let's just have a nice intro, some rising action, a climax (as English majors would call it), and falling action that leads to a satisfying conclusion. Much like the 1989 campaign, this would be what the fans really want.

3. It should not have more than 3 celebrity cameos

Sorry, but the "Bad Blood" music video was basically a movie trailer with a bad soundtrack. The celebrity lead-up to the video was the best part about it. Even then, "the squad" was stuck in the video so fast that if you blinked, you would have missed half the models in it. For "New Romantics", we think the boyfriend, the best friend, and the nemesis are the only spots that should have a famous figure fill the roles. I don't need the Home Ec teacher or the crazy drug dealer down the street to have an extensive IMDB page, thank you very much.

4. It should not include choreography

I don't think we need to worry about this one much.

5. It should not be your stereotypical love story.

"New Romantics" was a revolutionary pop anthem when it first came out in 2014. The video needs to have that same quality to reach the full potential of the track. Taylor Swift managed to do the classic love story arcs back in the "You Belong With Me" days. So this time around, it would be nice to see her fall in love in a modern way that relates to a lot of the younger kids today. Yet at the same time, it should maintain timeless elements that make all 90s movies and rom-coms worth watching. 

This might be Taylor's biggest challenge, but if she wants to consider herself the biggest popstar in the world right now, this will be her ultimate test.

You know what? Taylor should just recreate Carly's "Your Type" video. 

Wow, that was easy to decide, wasn't it?