Saturday, October 3, 2015

Why do you hate Carly Rae Jepsen?
As you all might know, the best album of 2015 so far, and one of the greatest albums of the past 10 years, was released by the living legend herself Carly Rae Jepsen. This is a fact. No question. Anyone who argues about this is an idiot. 

But there remains a problem. No matter how many Buzzfeed articles, Tumblr posts, and the single-handed campaign that I have been running to promote E•MO•TION, people still disparage my queen Ms. Slay Jepsen on a constant basis. On what grounds you may ask? THEY DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW. 

It's not just the people who don't enjoy mainstreams pop music who hate it. The people who consider Meghan Trainor and Fifth Harmony the artistes destined to conquer pop are the same people who insult my queen for being a "one hit wonder" (FALSE), having "crappy music" (FALSE), or just saying "something about her bothers me" (MEGA FALSE).

Allow me to state my case.

"Call Me Maybe" was the breezy disco pop uber beast that would not escape anyone's ears in 2012. Did this song make you happy to be alive?


Have you forgotten about Carly's duet with expert on arthropods Owl City that cemented her as a 1.5 hit wonder? And did this song make you happy to be alive?


And "This Kiss"'s infamous first line that would go down for generations as one of the greatest lines in pop history. Does this song make you happy to be alive?


When 2015 rolled around, Slay Jepsen brought back the purest of pop elements in a song that everyone should have really, really, really, really, really, really liked. Does this song make you happy to be alive?


Finally, Carly defied all odds and created the type of love song that will give everyone with a soul a reason to go out and find love. Does this song make you happy to be alive?


And that is all that should matter. Much like the other person everyone loves to hate for no reason Rita Ora, Carly will never let us down in giving us amazing music. She has done nothing but work tirelessly to make us smile. Can you say that about Donald Trump? Exactly. So set aside your judgment, get on your preferred streaming service, and listen to E•MO•TION. And smile as you recognize her as your next Lord and savior.

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